Stuff is heavy

Thank you for listening and being here. Thank you for being supportive, from near and afar.

   Several days ago, I had a

meltdown.

I felt so overwhelmed with anxiety as I was sorting through my stuff, in every sense of the word – sorting through my physical and emotional baggage. It’s one thing to travel light, it’s another to travel across the world with only 15lbs of belongings.

I literally packed my laptop, clothing, and a makeup bag and after weighing it with my luggage scale, it was already overweight. Knowing that I’ve already purged and culled everything I own I just slipped into a panic. It’s been a while since I’ve felt that way, so anxious and worried. Suddenly, I was faced with the reality that I must be having separation anxiety. Not just in a physical sense.

Have you ever gotten rid of all your belongings? I would love to hear your story. Use the “Communicate” page to subscribe and share your experience.

It has been almost a month since my last journal entry; until recently, I have felt so overwhelmed by this huge transition of leaving the country. On the surface, its very simple: save money; discard everything; book flights/accommodations; LEAVE! In reality, it is so much more than that. There is such a long list of tasks, tasks that must be completed and not put off for later. Procrastination is not an option. Every week I have to re-visit my list and check it twice so I can stay as organized as possible.

One of the most frustrating aspects of preparing for this departure is how it affects social interactions, like work, for example. This thing happens, this shift. Suddenly, you have an “exit plan” and become very isolated, and disregarded because of it. You become this beacon of light that shines on the darkness. This, of course, creates an underlying tension between you and the detractors. Haters ‘gon hate.

When someone ask you how your day is, do they really want to know?

Do they envy your positivity? Your honesty?

What are you supposed to talk about if you cannot bring up your own life in conversations?

Most days, I am up early and working on building my business and planning my travels. All of this happens before I go to my day job and sometimes runs into the next day

if

I

have the

energy

to stay up late.

 

Yes, I am tired, and my mind is switching through channels trying to sort through thoughts and emotions as to move through my day in light. Some days are harder than others because I have SO MUCH TO DO. It has become clear to me that I cannot share my journey with people in the workplace, for it creates space for opposition. As long as I do not have any input, I am “safe”. When I voice my opinions, or question “authority” I am “aggressive and dismissive”. When I have a bad day, I am not allowed to work through my feelings because I am not seen as a sensitive being. I am seen as a worker, a tool.

What about my mental health?

I show up for work while I’m bleeding, while I am physically exhausted, while I am recovering from emotional trauma, while I am

sliding down

a spiral of anxiety and nervousness.

Manduka

Because I do not victimize myself and self-deprecate, I do not have permission to be human. I must be a well of information, advice, emotional support, and entertainment…but who supports ME?

Have you ever needed a mental health day but went to work instead?

What was that experience like for you? Follow me on Instagram and give me some feedback. Tag me and use #themagnitudeoflight to share your post.

I want to know because there needs to be a dialogue about mental health in the workplace, especially for people of color. I am so disgusted by employers using such negative words and tactics to describe/address an employee’s so called behavior and attitude. Why do we, as women (and men) of color, have to be angry and aggressive? Where are our graces? Maybe I am actually sad or having a hard time processing…But instead of being asked if I need to talk or if I need a breather, I am psychically attacked, threatened, and shamed.

I have to share this with so you know you’re not alone. Do not let anyone use your light against you. Continue to learn and connect with positive beings so you can be your best self in spite of negativity. It is not my intention to come off as negative, it is my intention to use my experience as a teaching moment. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Create something of your own so you are not at the mercy of other people. Trust in yourself, first and foremost.

You have everything you need – USE IT!

For the women reading this, know that you are MANY women and you are a life force. You are energy. I recommend you read this book – you’ll probably read it two or three times. Once you finish reading, pass it on to a woman in need.

It’s amazing to see who your real friends are. It’s never the people that are all up in your business and in your face all the time. It’s the people you haven’t seen in forever…the people who watch you and think of you unbeknownst to you. About two months ago I was inspired by a man on YouTube playing crystal singing bowls and was hooked! I saved my tips from work and sold off some of my belongings to buy a seven piece set of bowls. *I’ll be selling these in my store soon. I also will be working on another signature t-shirt for your wearing pleasure ;)…..

……So I began offering sound meditation at a local yoga studio in Houston, Texas… Of course, it takes time to create a following when you offer a meditation class, yoga class, etc….I’ve been so discouraged by the lack of support and I am just now feeling like I’m back in the fold. Since offering the meditations, I have not had one “friend” enroll…. Everyone tells me they’re going to come, but then the class rolls around and no one has enrolled…I’ve put flyers up, advertised in local print media, advertised with Eventbrite (and other local online outlets), posted on social media, distributed business cards, sent emails and text messages, made phone calls and so on….And still nothing. While I want to remain optimistic and positive, I must admit this creates much frustration for me. Let’s be clear, I am not discrediting the people who have supported me in other ways, and I’m not just talking about material support, I’m just questioning whether I should continue dedicating energy to these meditations…..I just need someone to show up.

What do you think? How was it when you started your own business? Was it lonely…rewarding…challenging?

 

On a more positive note, I have booked accomodations/flights through JUNE! It can be tricky finding places to stay in a foreign country. There are so many questions:Is it safe?How far will I be from the airport…the city center?How do I pay? Is this a “fair” price?Is there a cheaper plane ticket?I plan on writing an e-book detailing tips and tricks I’ve used to make this transition as smooth as possible. Subscribe to my mailing list and you’ll never miss a journal entry!

 

I’ll also be talking about how to monetize your website and run an online business remotely. While I’m no expert on the matter, I’ve learned A LOT in just a few months and want you to avoid some mistakes I have made so you can be prosperous and happy!

If you are a digital nomad who can offer me some advice, PLEASE do not hesitate to join this conversation. I am open to advice for myself and my readers.

The countdown continues! There are 60 days until I depart Houston for India! I am nervous, excited, scared, happy, worried – ALL OF THAT AT ONCE! For the last two weeks, I have experienced extreme nausea. This is probably my anxiety showing up in my gut…its just hard to deal with. I literally feel like I’m going to barf through the day :/ Speaking of anxiety showing up, I’ve also been sweating profusely. My hands, feet, and my back are drenched by midday. I’ve worn SmartWool apparel for over 10 years and have rekindled my love for their socks because they help to wick away the moisture and keep your skin dry. I normally opt for 100% cotton but since I’ve been sweating, I tend to get chills after my sweat cools. Something as simple as changing my socks from cotton to SmartWool makes all the difference.

 

You still there? I know this journal entry is pretty long…Since I will be traveling for several months, I will be utilizing affiliate links to offset travel expenses and earn some cash. Any ad on my page is one that I have chosen. When you purchase through my website, you are supporting ME. I am conservative in my selections of products and services to recommend and welcome any feedback you may have. It might not seem like much, but a dollar here and there adds up and can be the difference between a room with a bathroom or one with outdoor facilities.

 

stormrashenaworldwidebutton

 

Do you have Facebook/Twitter?

Follow me on TWITTER

Follow me on FACEBOOK

Please visit my GOFUNDME page to learn more about my plans! Make a donation and share the link on your social media to help me reach my goal – I’ve almost reached 10%! It’s all good:)

I appreciate you and respect your choice of contribution to The Magnitude of Light. YOU are my new friend. With YOUR help, I can dream even bigger than yesterday. Thank you for your understanding and LOVE. I’ll be back next week with more updates for you and am looking forward to reading your stories! If you’re in Houston, the next meditation is Saturday, March 24th, 1030 to 1130am.

 

Remember to TAKE CARE OF YOU.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s